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What can I do? People tell me it’s time to sever ties, but the people who usually tell me this are the ones who can’t stand him. But when we’re happy, it’s so blissful that I know in my heart with him is the only place I want to be. When we’re mad, it’s like World War III over here. He’s abusive.Īs sad as this sounds, and as ridiculous as I feel, I want to make this work. Ugly to the point that he’s thrown my stuff in the front yard, broken things of mine, and even called me names. The problem is, every time I try to leave, it always gets ugly. He doesn’t like to do the same things I do, and I’m beginning to think this is all one big mistake. He always wants to know where I’m going or who I’m with. I work two jobs, and I never get any time to myself because he’s moody and insecure.
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We fight a lot, I cry a lot, and it just gets really messy. We’ve been living together for six months now, and it’s been really bumpy. I’ve been seeing this guy for about two years in August. It sounds like your son lucked out having you as a parent. Be active, be engaged, and never stop being his meddling, interfering, hypersuspicious dad. So don’t allow him to date anyone you don’t get to meet and approve of, and don’t confuse “being supportive” with “letting him do whatever/whomever he wants”. The prevalence of HIV among gay men makes the stakes higher for your son. Testosterone is the crystal meth of hormones, a bad-ass drug, and men are more likely to be abusive and violent. Why? A sexist desire to keep our daughters “pure”? That’s a part of it, sure, but there’s also this: men are pigs, and people on the receiving end of male sexual desire/attention are in more danger than people on the receiving end of female sexual desire/attention (in general-individual results may vary). We tend to be more protective of our daughters-our straight daughters-than we are of our sons. Getting back to the daughter business: you should also regard your son, at least through his adolescence, as more of a daughter to you than a son. And you should, as awkward as it’s going to feel to say so aloud, encourage your son, when he does become sexually active, to stick with mutual masturbation and oral sex for a good, long time-until he’s sure he’s ready for intercourse, not just anxious for it. Encourage your son to date, to hold hands, to make out. He can take things slow-he should take things slow. Make sure your son understands that he doesn’t have to engage in anal intercourse to be authentically gay, or all grown up, or out. For instance, SMS, this boy your son is seeing? Have you met him? Meet him. What else can you do? You can hover, scrutinize, interfere-all the crap that parents typically do when their children begin to date. Remember, you can be supportive and be his advocate without signing off on stuff you wouldn’t sign off on for a straight child-indeed, it’s the best way to show your support. No responsible parent would allow his 14-year-old daughter-and that’s how you should think of him for now (more on that in a moment)-to have sleepovers with her slightly older boyfriend, right? So no sleepovers for your gay kid. Treat your son to some of that equal treatment we gay people are always going on about, SMS, and treat him just like you’d treat your 14-year-old straight kid. I think my son is too young for sleepovers with his boyfriend, and I would really like him to wait a couple more years before he gets seriously sexually active, though I expect petting and kissing are givens.
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We have had the sex talk several times, but I have always assumed a hetero approach. When I asked him if the other students at school would be cool with him bringing a boy, he said, “Who cares?” Bullying is not a huge problem at his school. We live in the South-North Carolina-but our town has a gay community and an annual pride parade. I am worried, though, that my son will get hurt. I am adjusting to a truth I had long suspected. He has a slightly older boyfriend, and they’re going to the school dance on Saturday night.